After waiting on pins and needles for 10 agonizing days after my due date, Dirk and I loaded up the Rav4 and headed toward Seton Hospital the evening of June 23rd for our scheduled induction. I had wanted to go into spontaneous labor, but I had been telling myself to "go with the flow," which happened to be stamped on an air freshener my sister had given me hanging in my car. It would be a saying I'd be repeating.
We checked in and by 6:00 pm I was decked out in the hospital gown and getting my IV put in, at which point I discovered I have valvy veins, and these are not ideal for IVs. After a bit of a bloody mess with IVs, I was given cytotec to help my "medically unfavorable" cervix prepare for labor. The pitocin was going to be started at 7:00 am the next morning, and that would induce labor. I received my first round of cytotec at 8:00 pm and the second dose at 12:00 midnight. I could see I was having contractions before the cytotec was administered even though I couldn't feel them yet. Dirk and I watched a FIFA World Cup match and an episode of The Bachelor while we waited. At midnight, I was only 1.5 cm dilated, but it was shortly after that I started to feel like things were progressing a little too quickly. The nurse had assured us that cytotec shouldn't induce labor, and that it was very rare that it actually did.At 2:30 am, I could no longer just lay in bed. I was in and out of the bathroom and slow dancing with Dirk and asking him to massage my lower back. I was starting to feel like a real wimp, if I wasn't even in active labor yet. I asked Dirk to call my mom and ask her to head this way because I was nervous I wasn't going to make it to 7:00 am for pitocin. The nurse had checked and I was at 1.5 cm. I was trying to hold out on any type of pain medication but decided to take fentenol to help me make it through the night. There would be no sleeping otherwise. The fentenol helped my mind escape, but I could feel every contraction still. I was still thinking at this point, just go with the flow.
I asked Dirk to get in the hospital bed with me and massage my back and breathe through contractions with me. The contractions were getting stronger but we were breathing through them together and I thought I can do this. At 4:10 am, it was hard to resist tensing up at the peak of the contraction. I had a particular rough contraction and when I squeezed, I knew I had either wet the bed or felt my water break. We called a nurse, and sure enough she said she could see the membranes and confirmed my water had broke. The nurse had checked and said I was still at 2 cm.
Just ten minutes later, there was a rush of nurses coming in and 2 doctors that saw Dakota's heart rate drop. I'm a little blurry on this part, because I had to focus so intently on Dirk to get through the contractions. The nurses were worried about Dakota because they could no longer determine her heart tones, and they had me get on all fours and have her hang lower in my belly until the sensor could pick up her heart beat again. This was not comfortable at all for me. I was feeling urges to push already. The nurses gave me a shot to slow the contractions down so they could hear Dakota's heart beat again. It had to be given two more times since contractions were coming so hard and heavy. I also was given an oxygen mask to give me fresh oxygen.
When my nurse checked me she said I was now at 8.5 cm. The doctor on call said I was at 9 cm and that we'd be having this baby soon. I had gone from 2 cm to 9 in less than 10 minutes. This was not the labor I had anticipated. I still had no epidural, and the fentenol had worn off. Dirk was keeping me focused on going with the flow, and had me blow each contraction away. I couldn't believe how quickly they were rolling through, and I kept telling myself these contractions are not stronger than me. Because Dakota had come down the birth canal very quickly, she was already in stress. I still couldn't resist the urge to push, and it was making things more difficult for Dakota.
Since I could no longer control my body from pushing, we got the epidural to relax both Dakota and I. It was about 5:00 am once the epidural took effect, and I finally had some relief. Unfortunately, in the time since I had the epidural, Dakota had turned in the birth canal. They had me lie on my side to see if we could get her to turn back to a more optimal position for birth. At 7:00 am, my doctor, Dr. Reich visited and allowed me to start pushing. I asked for the birth mirror so I could see what was happening. The drawback of the epidural was that I was unable to really feel my efforts of pushing. I felt so uncoordinated as I focused on pushing. We made some progress in the first hour and a half of pushing to where we could see her head and hair. I kept hearing nurses talk about "D-cells," and I couldn't make out what they were saying. When Dr. Reich came back in, I realized they were saying Dakota's heart tones were decelerating. While I was pushing, they would dip down, and they'd come back up afterwards, but not to the level they had been previously. Dr. Reich then asked us to begin considering some alternatives; a Cesarean delivery or forceps. She allowed us to keep pushing a few more times, but at 11:00 am we had to make the call, and going with the flow, we decided a cesarean would be the safest option.
I was extremely nervous! Dirk couldn't come back with me at first, so the first few memories I have from the c-section, are flashes of coldness pulsing through me when I was getting prepped for surgery, a sweet nurse telling me not to worry, and how my arms were shaking uncontrollably the entire time. I felt so much more comfortable once Dirk came into the room. We were both nervous because just the month before we had lost Kerby due to a complication during her surgery. I know c-sections are much safer, but the thought was in the back of my head that accidents could happen. I tried to push that far from my mind and focus on the fact that our little girl would be here at any moment.
The first time I saw Dakota was out of the corner of my eye and over my left shoulder. A nurse held her up for me to see and I saw a baby, that looked a little purple. I didn't hear any cries. After the surgery, I was so utterly exhausted all I could say was how tired I was. Dirk later told me that Dakota had had trouble breathing at first. The nurses had to breathe for her for 6 minutes. I didn't realize how scary her first few minutes on Earth were.
When I came to later in the room, I was overwhelmed when I saw her. I couldn't believe she was ours. The skin to skin time I had with her made me completely forget about the pain of labor. The last 24 hours were nothing in comparison to the sense of fulfillment I had holding my baby for the first time. It was such a sacred moment, and feeling her body finally on top of mine, instead of inside it, was so blissful.
I cannot stress how much I owe to Dirk for his invaluable coaching through labor and to everyone who said a prayer for us during her delivery. It was not what I had planned or even prepared myself mentally for, but I felt supported every step of the way. My yoga teacher told our class once that you do not get to pick the delivery that you want, but often you get the delivery that you need. I now can understand the labor I was given is one that will forever serve as a reminder that I am not always able to control the outcome of events, and with Dakota here I will have to always, "Go with the flow." Most of all, I am thankful to God for his grace in making sure our little Junebug arrived here safely.
Introducing... Dakota Ryan Doud and the Doud family!
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