Rock me Momma

Dirk and I are now a little over 3 months in to this parenting thing. Some days I think to myself, we've got this! And some days I'm so exhausted by the thought of all I want to get done. 

For nine months, I looked forward to staying home with Dakota during maternity leave. I had heard how hard it could be from friends, but I don't think that I could yet comprehend how needy babies are. For someone who use to love writing "Take a shower" on the to-do list, just so I could get the satisfaction of crossing it off the list, it's been incredibly difficult to give up on getting much else done than take care of Dakota, Dirk, and myself. I've had to abandon the whole to-do list altogether. 

The biggest adjustment to Mommyhood for me, is accepting that my new most important to-do in life is love my baby. And I love doing that. When she looks me in the eyes, everything else fades into the background. But it still bothers me when I can't clean the ceiling fan blades I've seen gathering dust the past 3 months, get in a quick run while Dirk watches her, pick up the guitar, or let's get real, fit in a shower? There's a part of me that wants to be as productive as I was before. I took pride in being able to get so much accomplished in one day, but now her cries and baby smiles take precedence. *I will say I am still astonished at how many bottle and breast pump parts I get washed and sanitized in a 24 hour period.

In her first 3 months, we've seen her grow from a tiny newborn to a beautiful baby that can hear her mom and dad's voices, give the best baby smile, almost roll over, and have a conversation in baby babble. I've watched her reach and touch things and bring them to her mouth to chew. These are such small steps, but they're still amazing to observe. They seem like huge milestones! Dirk and I are also getting better at calming and lulling her to sleep. Her favorite song I sing to her is Rock me Momma like a wagon wheel. I really need to look up the verses because I am wearing out the chorus of that song! ha 

I went back to work about 2 weeks ago, and though leaving her at a daycare is never easy, I also feel guilty that I enjoy the silence when I drive away. I'll think about her throughout the day- especially when I pump. Thats when I wonder, "Shouldn't I biologically be with her right now? Isn't that what my body is telling me! Would I be providing her with the best if I did stay home?" It's a continual struggle to feel what I'm doing is right. By noon, I am counting down the hours to get to see her. When it's time to pick her up, I can never get to her daycare fast enough. I count the hours I get to be with her against the ones I don't. I pray I'll have more of the former in the next year. 

            

Dirk and I have tried not to give up having fun ourselves. Point in case, this past weekend we had an awesome time taking her with us to the Austin City Limits festival. She loved being outdoors, and watching the streamers that were hung in the trees in the VIP area. We brought her stroller and she would conk out in it around 7:30 so Mom and Dad could dance like fools (around the stroller- several hundred feet back) to bands like Outkast! I was amazed at the moms and dads who high-fived us or just told us we were doing a great job, after watching us walk around with the stroller or talking to us in VIP. It was so comforting to hear. We loved being there with Jennifer and Austin and Jarangela. It wasn't the same as ACLs in the past, but I'd like to think of this as a little family tradition in the making. 

Time is FLYING!!!

It seems like just yesterday we brought her home, but I couldn't imagine our home without her now. This little Junebug has changed our lives!!